In most cases, the transition from acquaintance to friendship occurs gradually. We reach out to offer friendship by offering a potential friend caring, listening, talking, sharing, accepting, and affirming. It takes time and effort to build a friendship. They are built slowly, slowly, slowly...

Yet, nothing can add more to your life than having truly intimate friends. "Just friends" is a goal worth pursuing!
Friendships can take up to three years to build! And building friendships is much the same for children as adults, but a bit quicker!
Self-Disclosure builds friendships.
Self-disclosure is usually the first step in establishing a confidant. And it is scary because of the potential rejection factor. Do it anyway!
Start by sharing a few private thoughts and/or feelings with one person you might want for a close friend. If the person is responsive, he/she will usually share a personal thought or two with you.
If he/she is not responsive to your overtures, don't think of this as a rejection.People may be non-responsive for reasons of their own or merely as a perception of yours. Nevertheless, they can't be rejecting you because they don't even know you yet.
Listening and acknowledging builds friendships.
Often when your child, lover/partner, or friend tells you a story or voices a complaint, he/she is just asking for acknowledgment.
This does not mean that he/she wants agreement or compliance;  it merely indicates a desire to be heard and understood.
Try these three steps to acknowledgment:

1. Repeat  back.

2. Don't invalidate.

3. Don't try to change.

4. Don't problem solve.

Many  conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided  if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view. For more information about acknowledgement, click here.
Listening and attending builds friendships.
Paying attention to someone is called "attending." It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at one time. Attending is a very important part of any relationship. It includes:

1. Being there physically

2. Focusing

3. Eye contact

Looking at and focusing on another person shows that you are "there for him/her." For more information on attending, click here.
Talking Is a Primary Building Block of Friendships.
Talking is an integral component of friendship.
When a friend talks and reveals ideas or feelings, he/she is expecting shared information in return. When the talk is not equal, the person talking feels as if the listener is uninterested.
In fact, the person who is always the listener is really playing the role of a counselor, not a friend. Anytime you have been talking for more than a minute or two without participation from the person you are talking to, you are lecturing, bossing, or putting that person in the role of a counselor.


Loyalty, Equality, and Respect build friendship.
Friends are equal. Without equality, you can't have a close friendship.
Friends are loyal and trustworthy. No one can confide in someone they can not trust to be loyal and to keep his/her secrets.
Friends have similar values. Our value system is so important to us that our friends' values must be close to our own or we will not have respect for this friend.

Feeling shy can make it difficult to meet new people and make friends. Shyness may simply indicate a quiet sensibility, may stem from feeling awkward and not knowing what to do, or perhaps reflect lack of a good self-image.
You might feel shy if you want to talk to someone and you habitually can’t figure out what to say, how to begin a conversation, or feel a sense of panic, paralysis or hopelessness about dealing with other people.
If you’re among friends, yet have trouble joining in and keeping up a conversation, you’re not enjoying your friends as much as you could.
If you’d like to get to know someone new, but can’t figure out how to introduce yourself and begin a conversation, shyness may be preventing you from finding love and friendship.

You can approach conquering shyness in several ways:
Through practice
Start small, with one understanding and kind friend, learning to carry on a conversation. Begin speaking up in safe places, such as your familiar church or among a group of close friends.
Internally
Pay attention to what goes on in your “inner conversation” when you want to speak up. Are you saying negative and critical things about yourself? Is this the source of your shyness? Ask yourself your own opinion frequently, so you’ll know what it is, and eventually can come up with it on the spot, in a conversational setting.
Through education and experience
Groups such as Toastmasters can teach you how to speak publicly, give presentations and work and speak to groups of people in general. Adult Children of Alcoholics can help you heal wounds from a dysfunctional family. Social Etiquette classes can help you acquire the social skills to help you feel more confident with people.
Through therapy
Shyness can be the result of low self-esteem, feeling that you’re somehow not worth others’ kind attention, or fear that you’ll be criticized. This can be the result of being subjected to criticism as a child, which wounded you emotionally. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Rational Emotive Therapy are very helpful for these problems.
Shy people can learn how to be relaxed and open around others; how to enjoy getting to know new people, and how to present the best side of themselves to new friends.

Be liberal with praise for all of your friends, including casual ones. There is some genuine compliment you can pay anyone once you get in the habit of searching for those compliments.
Praising friends is an excellent way for a shy person to make contact. When a shy person is walking to greet another person, he is usually thinking about himself and dreading the contact. If he walks toward the other person finding something to compliment, he will have a hard time keeping his attention on himself.
Again, we are not talking about the insincere compliments of the manipulators of the world. That grows old quickly.
We are referring to genuine praise for a person you admire and love.
If you were fortunate enough to have a grandparent, a teacher, or an older friend who took an interest in you as you were growing up, you probably understand the power of affirmation very well. That person who sought out the best in you certainly had a strong effect on your life.

 
We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
Watch someone really listening to another person. He makes eye contact and focuses on the other person. He listens with his eyes as well as his ears. While listening, he nods or makes attentive noises from time-to-time. He is a skilled, attentive listener. The person he is listening to feels a sense of communication.
You can grow more friends with your ears and with your eyes than with your mouth.
After your next conversation, test your ability to benefit from listening to that conversation. Analyze and ask yourself:

• What did I learn from my friend?
• What did I learn about my friend?
• Did anyone interrupt?
• What questions should I have asked?
• What questions should I have answered more thoroughly?
• Was I absolutely certain I understood everything?
• Did I ask for clarification?
• Did I practice acknowledgment?
• Did my friend practice acknowledgment?
• Were both parties attending?
• Was the conversation balanced?
• Did anyone keep changing the subject?
• Did anyone get angry?
• Did anyone appear sad?
• Was everyone paying attention?
• What will I do different in my next conversation? 
• The ability to listen is a skill that can be improved with use. This skill can and will improve your friendships. Repeat:
  You can grow more friends with your ears and with your eyes than with your mouth.
   

Remember, friendships do not happen in a vacuum. There is a certain chemistry with friends just as in a love relationship. Therefore, contact with other people is the first building block of friendship.
The transition from stranger to acquaintance to friend begins with attention--one of you attracts the other, or it's a mutual attraction. This happens when you share an experience.
And you can not share an experience until you get out in the world with people.   People equal friends and friends equal people.
Some people have more trouble getting out there than others. Who does have trouble getting out in the world to make friends?
Shy people or people who are true loners often seek safety by staying away from people. If they don't even work with many people, they will have a hard time sharing experiences with someone who is attractive to them and vice-versa.
Elderly people or people who do not drive also have trouble getting out in most of the American world. Other people are isolated by physical disabilities, by geography, by abusive relationships, etc.
New mothers are often too tired or just too busy to keep up an active and satisfying social life. Yet studies have shown new mothers are happier and more assured when they are able to meet with adults regularly, particularly other mothers.
Once you have captured the attention of another person or vice-versa, you must expand on that original attraction. This expansion includes additional contacts and conversation.
Who's on first?
Someone must be on first for a friendship to develop. Certainly there is risk inherent in forming a friendship. The truth is that you can never be totally certain of your friend's response. Eventually one person must take the risk of confiding in order for a friendship to grow in intimacy. Making friends is risky.
Grow a Friend!
Friends meet, friends attract, friends interact, and friends confide in friends. 
Friends equal people. Friends equal risk.
Who Needs Friends?
All people need friends. Shy people need friends.  Men need friends.Women need friends. Children need friends.  Best friends grow from casual friendships and acquaintances.

 
When you are talking to friends: close friend, best buddy, or social acquaintance, certain follow-up procedures are  important. It  doesn't  really matter who the person is.
Try these pointers for a successful verbal exchange:
1. Always get the other person's name and always give your name.
2. During  the  conversation, use the other person's name  at  least once.
3. Always try to connect with the other person in some common interest or bond. This causes a feeling of rapport.
4. Look the other person in the eye. This doesn't mean stare at the other person. It means moving your eyes within a triangle  formed by  the width of the forehead at the apex narrowing to the  mouth at the bottom of the triangle.
5. Minimize focus on yourself and keep the conversation on the other person.
6. Ask open-ended questions that can not be answered with a "yes" or "no" to keep the conversation rolling.
There are other aspects of conversation that are also universal. They are:

• Smile, smile, smile, then smile some more.
• Be sincere.
• Be  complimentary when the compliment is sincere.
• Don't mumble.
• Be enthusiastic and positive.

Being able to carry on a comfortable conversation with a social acquaintance is a matter of practice and following these procedures in communicating.
No matter how difficult it is for you to carry on a  conversation with  a social acquaintance now, remember that it does get  easier with practice.
So, practice!

Do we always go to the place my friend prefers or always go to the places I prefer?
Does my friend use humor to put me down or do I do likewise?
Does my friend seem to enjoy correcting factual errors in conversations? Do I?
Do I always seem to seem weak or  "poor me" to a friend or does my friend do this to me?
Do I need my friend enough to be the clutching type or does she/he seem to be clutching at me?
The above are instances of manipulation that have no place in friendship.
According to Alan Loy McGinnis in his book The Friendship Factor, there are three types of manipulators:

• The manipulator who needs to be needed.
• The manipulator who wants to take charge.
• The manipulator who wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing weak.

We all know people who have countless friends. What is their secret?

Many people find themselves caught up in others' problems, then feel confused about how and when to help.
Take your good friend  who just left her husband. Do you offer her a place to stay, money, advice, help with baby-sitting, a blind date or two?
Or take the friend who can never make it to the end of the month on a budget. Every month you bail him/her out.
How much is enough?
And how much is too much?
What fosters self-esteem and self-reliance for the other person plus   mutual respect for both of you while avoiding the pitfalls of dependency?
All relationships need limits whether they are friendships, sibling relations, mate/lovers, business relations, etc. On some level, all limit setting means saying "no." However, it is usually a qualified nay that says what, where, when, and under what circumstances you will give or not give to another person. 

If you have long-term feelings of resentment, anger, manipulation,  being treated as unimportant, etc., you probably need to set some limits in your relationship.
There are five steps to limit setting:
1. Choosing to set limits. You will tolerate a difficult relationship situation just as long as you choose to tolerate it. You are the one choosing to set boundaries   in place.
2. Identify the source of your feelings. It often takes some real soul-searching on your part to figure out  the source of your anger or resentment.
3. Decide where to set the limits. Think about the entire situation. Consider your time, emotions, and means. Then consider whether you are helping the other person or merely allowing them avoid or postpone his/her own problem solving. Aim to do something to help the other person without taking on the whole problem.
4. Express the limits clearly. For example, you say to your friend, "I will loan you up to $200.00 no more than once every three months. And I expect each loan to be repaid within three months and certainly before you can borrow more."
You say to another friend, "You can stay here for three weeks but you must help me with expenses and cooking and definitely find your own place before the three weeks is up."
You say to your newly divorced friend who calls often to rehash her hurt and anger, "I have to go in five minutes."
5. Stick to your limits.You are not responsible for making the other person obey the limits. You are only responsible for following the limits yourself and for reinforcing them.
Your divorced friend says at the end of five minutes, "But I'm not through. I really need to tell you one more thing."
You say, "I know we're in the middle of something but I must go. Perhaps we could take this up again Thursday after work."
Your friend has repaid $125.00 of his/her $200.00 loan and  asks for $200.00 more. You say no. He/she gets emotional then says, "Well just loan me the $125.00 again. I need this money to cover a bad check. If you cared for our friendship, you would do it."
Again, you say no, not because you don't care for him/her but because you do. You are forcing your friend to detach him/herself from dependence on you because you care.
Limit setting is difficult because people mistake it for rejection.   However, limits mean that you care enough not to get entangled in your friend, lover, sibling's problems; you care enough not to take care of him/her...
Limit setting is often stressful and painful. It will probably give you an intimidating sense of aloneness.
You are separating yourself from old familiar roles and behavior patterns. Any loss brings feelings of anxiety, stress, and even emptiness.
And limit setting inevitably brings guilt. Bear in mind, it doesn't mean you have deserted or quit loving your friend, lover, or sibling. It does mean you are expressing that love in a different and more helpful (to both of you) manner.
Setting limits is a challenging task at work; it often seems an insurmountable task when love is involved. However, like all people skills, setting limits is a process that gets easier with practice.

Friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end. Friendships can lose importance and die gradually. Some friendships end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships is change by one or both friends. There is usually pain with the loss of friendship.
 
Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.
Sue said, "The end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the metroplex to the other. We had over an hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we met religiously. Then our friendship began to taper off."

John wrote, "I didn't even know the friendship was over until I caught myself thinking of Alan as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present."
Pat explained, "We started seeing each other less and less. The friendship was just over."
Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town.
Paul said, "When I moved to Seattle after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with new jobs and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call him when I go home."
Sandy wrote, "That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to Lisa again. It's like we were never friends."
Bob  Carver, Dallas psychotherapist, says, "A friendship or  any other  relationship fails because of three  things:

• Unexpressed expectations,  
• Undelivered communication,
• And/or thwarted  attention."

Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change. 
For example, moving from single life to coupled life has a great effect on friendship. Coupled persons often feel their single friends act interested in them only when a romantic prospect is not in sight. They may feel jealousy for or neglected by a single friend's new social life. The single friend may feel awkward and withdraw from a world of twosomes. Divorced and widowed people often have a feeling of being abandoned by old friends.
Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."
Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss to assimilate. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.